I have been sadly misled... It's not a 300 year old cottage at all

... it's an 800 year old watch tower.

Or so the oldest members of the landlord's family claim.

Their ancestors built a lookout on a convenient rock within in sight of
their Pele Tower, to guard their sheep from various Scots, Neighbours
and other Marauders.

Hence the square plan of the cottage, the 3 foot thick walls, lack of
ground floor windows, etc, etc.

Yesterday morning nine lovely people with spades braved the sub zero
temperatures to clear the ditch between the house and the fell, and so
divert the river that had started lapping against the door since this
summer's relentless rain.

The running water had changed the local fauna - I have a mink in
residence somewhere, which has eaten all the mice.

And an owl.

Happy New Year!